Relationships

Using Our Relationships as a Template for Spiritual Practice

Using Our Relationships as a Template for Spiritual Practice
Excerpts from Self-Belonging to be published around Valentine’s day 2018 (stay tuned to receive your advance copy) and Happily Ever After…Right Now. 

The late Scott Peck, author of The Road Less Traveled, defines true love as this: “The desire to contribute to another’s spiritual growth.” Peck’s definition says nothing about finding someone to complete you or make you happy (or vice versa). So whether or not the relationship is sustainable, if you decide to use it as a spiritual practice, you can choose to grow in the presence of another (while contributing to his/her growth) without a need or desire to change him/her so that you can be happy and comfortable. Instead, you work on being present and available for...

The Look of Real Love

The Look of Real Love
Being aware of our need to change our conditioned responses is a good start in establishing healthy patterns in relationships. But awareness alone does not cause change. Change can only occur when you make a conscious decision to do whatever it takes to go boldly toward all that will help you to first become the love of your own life, prior to searching for love in other places. You have to be able to recognize real love by first experiencing it through a conscious commitment to loving yourself. And once you do, you will know from every awakening cell in your being that you don't need someone else to provide what you already have. Then when a potential partner appears (or is already beside you), you...

It's High Time to Reprogram Our Brains

It's High Time to Reprogram Our Brains
Following up on my last article "Soul Sister (or Brother)" -- In order to succeed in our quest to tune into our own heart and soul and loving ourselves, we have to be committed.

We must be vigilant around any negative thoughts that are self directed, and turn these thoughts into loving kindness. Notice how deeply conditioned negativity is. Here is a simple example. Suppose you are in school and you just have done poorly on a test (by your standards). What is your first inclination? Is it to tell yourself how wonderful you are for even trying to do your best on the test (compassion)? Is it to find all of the ways that you have been successful in this...

Soul Sister (or Brother)

Soul Sister (or Brother)
If we really want to experience true intimacy with a partner, then we have to be willing to tune into our very own heart and soul. What is the secret to finding happiness, the right partner, the right career, enough money, better looks, more energy and the greater health? You must begin by making a commitment to loving yourself. The soul sister/brother that lives in your essence will never leave or forsake you. Marry him/her first (or marry "him/her" now if you are already "actually" married). Go and buy yourself a simple little eternity ring. Slip it on your finger and make a personal pledge to begin (or continue) learning how to provide for yourself absolutely everything that you think (or thought) you would...

Celebrating Summer!

Celebrating Summer!
Our alpine ice-land is finally beginning to melt after a pretty persistent winter (see the snowy peaks below).

And in the spirit of celebrating the season, I am offering the e-book version of Happily Ever After...Right Now at a special price for the summer months.

Here is what Deb Scott, host of The Best People We Know radio show said about Happily:  A New Standard for Every Woman! Required Reading! March 7, 2013 "... I wish I had this book 20 years ago. Don't wait - get it - read it - give it - as a gift to yourself or anyone you love. I think this would be a fabulous book club read as well. A new classic. – Deb Scott I invite you to take...

Love Lamp

Love Lamp
Realize that you have an inexhaustible inner light that glows even in your darkest moments. This light is eternal. It can never be extinguished. And the only way for you to actually experience its full, radiant brilliance is to embrace all of those attributes in yourself that you love, and then accept the qualities that you would rather not acknowledge. How is this possible? By opening our hearts and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, over and over again, eventually, what you will come to realize, as you proceed with such a practice, is that all of your suffering is actually just a result of your perceptions, having nothing...

Listen to Your Heart-Voice

Listen to Your Heart-Voice
Many of you have been on the pilgrimage toward happiness and health for a while. Time and again, you have felt the ecstasy after making measurable progress followed by the agony when you slipped back into old behavioral patterns. You have been connected to the sense of freedom and peace that you've so desperately wanted to sustain, only to watch that state of bliss evade and elude you yet another time. You have discovered certain things that work; let go of things that don't; stuck to some stuff for a while; slacked off; gone back to old patterns; started new ones; picked up the latest book; gone to another workshop; hired therapists, healers, coaches, spiritual mentors, doctors and others, all...

Queens Act Like Queens

Queens Act Like Queens
Artwork Copyright © Jennifer Baird, Used by Permission, http://1-jennifer-baird.fineartamerica.com. Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jenniferbairdartist The idea of Magnificence can bring sharply into focus all of the ways you do not feel Magnificent in the form of your shortcomings and faults. We are constantly exposed to the emotional toxicity that has accumulated in the world, bombarding us from every angle. We know it well. This negative conditioning (provoked by our "old rugged brain") can exaggerate fear, confusion, worry, and anxiety, all of which impede growth and disrupt the journey toward love, joy, freedom, and truth. The "hell" created from venomous thoughts, deeds and actions -- is a part of our individual and combined story. When we subscribe to this way of operating, we perpetuate hell's grip on us, interrupting our...

Embodying The Perfect Mother

Embodying The Perfect Mother
Happy Mother's Day!

Take a few moments to visualize how you would have wanted to be parented if you could re-invent your childhood experience. Now, create the perfect mother and father in your mind. If there were qualities of both of your parents that you particularly admired, add those to the profile of the imaginary parents you are now envisioning. Be expansive in your creation. There are no limits. These people are Magnificent. They are wonderfully balanced in both their feminine and masculine nature. They are conscious, loving spirits. There is no end to their wisdom, strength, love and compassion. Keep creating. Keep contributing to their creation. Take some time with this activity and write it all down.

Now, decide that you will...

A New Relationship Paradigm

A New Relationship Paradigm
In a relationship model where happiness (not to be confused with immediate gratification or pleasure) is the primary value, the Prince could be seen as a gift that Cinderella had not expected. Had he not shown up, she would have gone on to live her life contentedly. (Naturally, the same would be true for the Prince.) He was a partner with whom she could experience an even grander version of herself. Their combined love and devotion would provide a new opportunity for growth, individually as well as a couple. They would come to know that their relationship was just one of a multitude of choices for developing their personal and collective talents and treasures.



Cinderella and Prince Charming would have a chance...

Reprogramming Ourselves: Stepping Away From Love Addiction

Reprogramming Ourselves: Stepping Away From Love Addiction
Letting go of lifelong habits involves introducing new thought forms to replace the old ones and learning how to make them stick. We all have the potential to begin our relationships from a healthy seed, but when it is neglected and left to rot, it cannot germinate and grow into its full and lasting potential. The endless cycle of “love”/loss repeats itself until or unless the participants individually and collectively become conscious of what is causing the decay.

Our addictions cannot be released until we recognize them as such — until we can admit to ourselves what we are doing and that it is a sure recipe for disaster. That is the first step. The next step is to change. Naturally,...

Cosmic Love Story Revisited

Cosmic Love Story Revisited
"For a fully enlightened being, the difference between what is neurosis and what is wisdom is very hard to perceive, because somehow the energy underlying both is the same." - Chodron (1991, p. 21)

Love Story ♡ (Photo credit: Flocke™)

Hope and fear are intimately connected. There are things we like and want to keep, and there are things we don't like and want to get rid of. We are attached, and repelled; repelled and attached. It is easy to let go when we don't want something anymore, but letting go of something that we still desire, or even crave on some level, is quite another matter. How can we come to know more intimately the feelings we...

Find a Way to Love Yourself

Find a Way to Love Yourself
love yourself (Photo credit: crafty_dame)

Dear Hearts,

Wanting to do a post Valentine’s Day “check-in” with you! I was recently accepted as a writer for Huffington Post. My first article was titled “ 3 Practical Valentine’s Tips for Attracting or Enhancing Love” (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/luann-robinson-hull/love-advice_b_2641372.html).

The following excerpt is step 1: Find a Way To Love Yourself.

You can read and post your comments to the complete article using the above link, or comment on this post.  Stay tuned next week for more tips.

Find a way to love yourself. I realize the whole idea of “self-love” has been “woo wooed” to death. Nonetheless, it is the single most important factor for you to figure out how to do. And while you are in the discovery process, please...

Watch Your Words

Watch Your Words
The 5th and final step in our series on New Year, New View, New Perspective, is: “Watch Your Words”

In the following vignette, we are coming from the female perspective, though clearly the genders can be flipped to fit any scenario/dialogue where the example below could be useful.

“Do not cause harm by your words, actions, and deeds. Make certain there are no hidden agendas in what you are presenting. Look at the facts from a place of observation instead of judgment and state them clearly. 

Do say, “I noticed that when you were an hour late for dinner it seemed to really bother me. Can you help me understand what caused your delay? How can we communicate more clearly next time? I am willing to be...

Assume You Are an Active Participant

Assume You Are an Active Participant
Step 4 in our series called New Year, New View, New Perspective, is a simple, but important one: "Assume You are an Active Participant in What's Going on."

Birds of Paradise (Photo credit: maxful) Regardless of how you see it, the reality is that you have been invited to the ball, and both of you are "dancing" here. Any issues you face may look as though they are all "him," but they aren't. Be clear on your part in getting out of rhythm and discover what you can do to shift it if you aren't comfortable with the tempo anymore. Let that sit for a while. Next week we'll cover the final step in gaining a New View & New...

As Without, So Within

As Without, So Within
Step 3 of our series called New Year, New View, New Perspective is "Remember: As Without, So Within."



Let's get right to it, shall we?

Psychologist Carl Gustav Jung (1964) introduced the idea of "active imagination" in dream interpretation. His exercises consist of listing each person who shows up in a dream. Who is visiting and what message do they bring me? Is there any part of me that is trying to get my attention here through them? Could they all be representing some aspect of me?

Use this technique with your significant other. If you wish your partner would tell you he/she loves you, assume you need to tell yourself more often. If you want them to call more frequently, ask how...

Your Partner's Behavior Mirrors Your Own

Your Partner's Behavior Mirrors Your Own
Last week we began a new series, "New Year, New View, New Perspective" -- a continuation of a series we did last year titled "Those Things That Trigger You Are a Gift." To start off our series, our first step is "Assume Your Partner's Behavior Mirrors Your Own."  Let's jump in!

It is way too easy to get into the "he is a jerk" game (we'll go with the male example from here on out to keep it fluid, but this piece is equally applicable for both male and females). When we become irritated, it takes courage to look at the situation from an objective point of view, but if you are willing to do so you might see what bothers...

Relationships: Re-Programming Ourselves as Women

Relationships: Re-Programming Ourselves as Women
It is our ancient conditioning that keeps us stuck in old thought patterns and behaviors about love and relationships. So, then how can we emancipate ourselves from this conditioning's grasp? The primal beliefs and thoughts etched into our consciousness can be automatically triggered by an event. Just like the enchantment that caused Sleeping Beauty to fall asleep when she pricked her finger on the spinning wheel at age sixteen, our old fearful spells kick in when we feel rejected or alone. We can dismantle the power of our ancient conditioning (which wants us to believe that we are sure prey for the lurking monsters) by creating new beliefs and incantations of Entitlement.

The point is that we need to be committed to becoming aware of...

Autumnal Equinox ~ On Balancing Happiness

It is only mid-October and already the snow has boldly announced itself in Colorado, tumbling through the clouds like flying saucers, these plate sized flakes have been falling for most of the day—in torrents. Tonight, the temperatures are predicted to plummet into the teens. The summer sun has exited the scene. And, once again, same as last year at this time, I am scratching my head. Why is it that I am I living in the upward regions of the Northern Hemisphere?

In Dan Buettner’s interesting book, Thrive, he shares his findings on the location of the world’s happiest regions, suggesting that countries near the Equator enjoying a “sun bonus” tend to be happier, regardless of their status or development. Mexico,...

Cultivating Self-Love

I know it isn’t necessarily a glamorous or popular topic, though as we pointed out last week, without it, we can’t have a solid foundation for really loving and being loved. Scott Peck (1978), the legendary author of The Road Less Traveled, defines love as the desire for your own spiritual growth or for that of the beloved. How would you define love? Would your description be similar to Peck’s—wanting growth and expansion for yourself or another? Or does love hold a different meaning in your world?

Regardless of how we come to define love, one thing has become quite clear to me in listening to others as well as making my own personal discoveries. Compromise has no place in a...