Step 6 in Overcoming Triggers: Surrender the Shame
[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="640"] English: Surrender Moss near Wetshaw Bottom. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)[/caption]
If you've come this far with us, in our series, "Those Things that Trigger You are a Gift," you've learned how to first, recognize when you are triggered, and to stop before you speak out or act on it (step 1). You understand the importance of allowing yourself to feel whatever it is that you are feeling (step 2). You've read that if you dig deep, you'll uncover whether or not there are some past hurts or issues that are causing you to want to react now (step 3).
We've discussed the importance of getting out of your story... and focusing on what's really happening; that the context of the situation is vital to analyzing the content (step 4). And you've leaned the important step of choosing happiness over being "right" (step 5).
If you've indeed made it this far, you've done it!
You've moved through all of the steps, to the pièce de résistance of all steps:
STEP 6: SURRENDER THE SHAME: Remember that blame = shame.
If you are blaming (projecting onto) someone else, there are more than likely some remnants of shame buried within you. If you can feel yourself wanting to dump on him/her, stop and go a little deeper. There may be something inside that is trying to get your attention. Rather than making [the other person] the culprit, take time to look at your behaviors and practice letting go of the ones that no longer serve you. If you feel you have been in error in the past, remember that it was not your intention to cause harm. Be easy on yourself. Let it go. Finish it. And when you do, chances are you won't be tempted to focus on what [the other person] is doing anymore. You will be much less tempted to blame when you can face and let go of your inner shame. It doesn't serve you. As you release it, your communication patters will be much healthier, and the issues that you have with [that person] will resolve one way or another, for the better.
– Excerpts [and paraphrase] from Chapter 6, Alchemy: Take Back Your Projections, “Happily Ever After Right Now… Stop Searching! Start Celebrating!” by Luann Robinson Hull
Shame is not always an easy thing to surrender to, but it's only when you do, that you can let it go. Dive in. You can do it! As you practice all of these steps I look forward to hearing of your success stories in life and relationships. I also encourage you to get your hands on a copy of the book, if you're able, to move on to Level II of seeing what triggers you as a gift, which covers how to take on a whole new view and perspective, and the importance of taking back your projections.
Until next time...
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All content copyright 2012, What A Gem, a.k.a. Luann Robinson Hull (a.k.a. Happily Ever After Right Now)