Step 5 in Overcoming Triggers: Choose Happiness over Righteousness
By now you have probably realized that our series "Those Things That Trigger You are a Gift" is taken directly from my book Happily Ever After Right Now... Stop Searching! Start Celebrating! I am thrilled to tell you about Step 5 for Modifying Your Responses. That's because it deals with an essential component to the pursuit of Happiness: CHOICE. Let's jump in.
STEP 5: CHOOSE HAPPINESS INSTEAD OF RIGHTEOUSNESS: Ask yourself if you want to be happy or if you want to be right. (This idea originates from A Course in Miracles, Foundation for inner Peace, 1985). Give up the need to control outcomes.Most of us would rather to be right. This desire is directly linked to our survival instinct. And, being happy is not part of survival. In moving beyond the Brute and the Babe syndrome (discussed in the book) where survival was key (and happiness wasn't), we can spend more time on developing effective ways to be happy. Being right is not one of them. When we are grounded in our truth, what difference does it make if anyone else believes it to be "right?" If it's right for us, it's right enough. Having to prove that we are right is a different matter. In holding on to the position of righteousness, we relinquish the opportunity to clear the patterns that have kept us glued to the past by staying stuck in the story that has caused our misery. If we decide to quit playing, however, the game stops. It takes two to participate in a verbal exchange that includes accusatory comments such as "you did it," or "it wasn't my fault," or "you shouldn't have." When no one responds to these attacks, the accuser eventually loses interest in trying to justify his/her behavior.
[Empowered people] do not have a need to be right or to participate in any kind of dialogue where they might need to prove their point. They don't have to. Their powerful presence says it all. You are an empowered woman/man. You have value and worth. You don't have to have anyone else's approval to maintain your sense of self-respect. If someone doesn't agree with you or like you, it may feel uncomfortable, but you can learn to accept their opinions and feelings. Focus your attention now on attracting all of the people into your life who can support your growth and expansion. If it feels like the current primary players are constantly invested in setting you up to be wrong, notice how this behavior can chip away at your soul. Communicate your concerns (respectfully) once again, taking responsibility for what is yours. And, when things don't change, remove yourself (or them) from the situation. Painful as it may seem now, you will eventually understand the benefit of such a choice, even if you still feel a pinprick of sadness whenever you think of him (her). Sooner or later, you won't. And eventually, as you continue to practice self-advocacy, you will no longer be attracted to people who have the potential to belittle or berate you. You get the lesson. They were just reflecting to you how you saw yourself. And you don't envision yourself that way anymore. You are waking up to your true, authentic nature.
– Excerpts (and paraphrase) from Chapter 6, Alchemy: Take Back Your Projections, “Happily Ever After Right Now… Stop Searching! Start Celebrating!” by Luann Robinson Hull
In the spirit of choosing happiness above all else, I encourage you to let go of the need to prove your point -- and when you do, watch how doing so will light up your world in new and magical ways.
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